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| Sorry I was MIA yesterday, orange team! Those migraines are KILLING me. I shut my phone off and went to sleep. Speaking of being sick, I LOVE MY ANTI DEPRESSANT. It kills my appetite x1000000. I'm never hungry and even when I am, I can take one bite of something and be full. This morning, for breakfast, I had one bite of toast. One bite. I don't even know how many calories that was~!! haha
Yesterday, we went for sushi and they kept trying to get me to try stuff, but nope. I hate fish and seaweed, so it wasn't my thing. I got a small thing of rice and chicken and brought most of it home for my boyfriend's room mate to eat. We ended up spending over 100 dollars there. Pretty crazy.
So, today is weigh in day. I'm going to do so before I go to bed tonight. :] Update later. | | |
| I...
am about to eat a hash brown.
And... I'm not going to throw it up.
Because that is ALL I will have today.
ONE hash brown.
I feel disgusting for wanting it.
It's just going to be another roll of fat.
I'm disappointed.
EDIT:
I'm starting my antidepressant either tonight or tomorrow. Not really sure. And I've got a new med for migraines and muscle tension head aches (my doctor asked if I've been straining my body lately lmao, I was like, "Uh... no?"). Goooosh. So, I have a trial version for the migraines because he isn't sure how severe they are, and he doesn't want to start me on anything crazy until we find if these work or not. Soooo, basically, I'm sick. LMAO. On top of that, I go back to see if I have a kidney disease in less than a month. I read that restricting and purging can cause kidney problems. Laaaaaame. I mean, I know there are risks when I do these things. But it's so much harder to eat like a fat normal person than to... just not eat. If I can pass up chocolate cake, I feel so much better about myself than if I had eaten it. I don't like chocolate, though. haha, or ice cream. I don't like most junk food, actually. I'd RATHER eat a salad than a handful of potato chips, but my family is freaking obese and there's only ever junk food here. I can't wait to move in with my boy. He eats... a lot. haha, but he cooks pretty healthy stuff. He'd rather have a cheese wrap than a burrito. That's so great about him. :]
So, life is pretty okay. I'm worried about updating for the challenge tonight because I won't be home. But I'm bringing my laptop, so I KNOW I'll get it done. :D Don't worry, Orange team! We'll be fine!! I also wanted to thank my team mates for leaving such helpful comments on my previous blogs; it's been a treat!
Well... I'mma go take a nap before I have to pick my sister up from school. Will update more later!!
EDITEDIT:
My doctor thinks I have body dysmorphic disorder. Yeah the fuck right. I don't THINK I'm fat. I'm freaking FAT, okay?? No ifs, no ands, and no fucking butts. I don't THINK my nose is huge. IT FUCKING IS. I don't THINK my ass is the size of two earth's glued together. IT JUST IS. I am NOT imagining it. I am NOT that fucking insane. I hate it when people say, "Oh, shut up. You're gorgeous. It's all in your head." Because it's not. It's not in my head. I'm not pretty, I'm not thin, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not and I will fucking kill the next person who tries to tell me otherwise.
LASTEDIT:
Doing points and stuff now because I'm tired. My boy will be home soon, and he'll be tired, and I'd just like to go to sleep now, thanks. Sleep burns calories, too, ya'know.
10
0
5
2
8
=
25
I did so much better yesterday. Boy is taking me out to eat tomorrow. I'll be having salad, yes please? lmao | | |
| Thinspo challenge!!
This is bringing up a lot of emotions in me. Sometimes, I think, why do I do this to myself? Why do I have to starve myself to feel pretty? To feel wanted? To feel... in control? Why? Because of people like her. Because I don't want that to be me. I don't want my thighs to touch. I don't want... I don't want to be the fat girl anymore...
I can't weigh myself right now, because my parents are asleep, but I will when I get home tomorrow.
In the challenge, I earned... 38 points.
Stayed under 100 cals, with jello.
Did a 20 minute strength training (the points are for 15, but oh, well)
I updated my xanga,
did the thinspo challenge
and drank over 8 glasses of water a day. | | |
| So, apparently, I still suck at fasting. I made it quite a few hours, and then gave in, all because of this horrible headache. Albeit, all I had were 3 crackers and some chicken broth. I still broke my fast. I worked out, though, so maybe it isn't such a big deal... I'll just try again today.
Today is jello fast! :D My favorite! All I'll be eating today is jello, 10 cals per serving, so I'm going to put a limit on cals. How about... 90 cals for today? That sounds good. Sounds like a lot of jello, though. haha, but my parents think I'm sick, so I can get away without eating any real food.
YESTERDAY:
3 crackers: 36 calories
2 cups chicken broth: 10 calories
total: 46 calories - laaaaame.
I have been cast into TEAM ORANGE! :D Hello, team mates! I hope we can become friends in this awesome challenge!
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On to thinspo~
I had a whole in my heart
so I threw away my plate
because nothing filled me up
no matter what I ate. | | |
| I had a migraine this morning, so I got to stay home.
Preeeeetty sweet. I really didn't want to go today,
because I packed my lunch the night before.
Peanut butter sandwich - 478 cals
fruit cup - 90 cals
oreo bar - 100 cals
total: 668 cals
Good news?
I didn't eat it.
In fact, I might throw it out.
I think I'm going to fast today. :]
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THINSPO:
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